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Pratchett Terry + Joliffe Gray

The Unadulterated Cat

The Unadulterated Cat Оценка: 4.0 (1)
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The Unadulterated Cat is becoming an endangered species as more and more of us settle for those boring mass-produced cats the ad-men sell us the pussies that purr into their gold-plated food bowls on the telly. But the Campaign for Real Cats sets out to change all that by helping us to recognise a true, unadulterated cat when we see one.
For example: real cats have ears that look like they've been trimmed with pinking shears; real cats never wear flea collars & or appear on Christmas cards & or chase anything with a bell in it; real cats do eat quiche. And giblets. And butter. And anything else left on the table, if they think they can get away with it. Real cats can hear a fridge door opening two rooms away &

hide Table of Contents

  1. Terry Pratchett THE UNADULTERATED CAT
  2. A Campaign for Real Cats
  3. Getting started
  4. How to get a cat
  5. 1. Adverts in the Post Office
  6. 2. Adverts in posh cat magazines
  7. 3. Buying a house in the Country
  8. 4. The Cats Home
  9. 5. Inheritance
  10. 6. Joint ownership
  11. Types of cat
  12. 1. Farm Cats
  13. 2. Black Cats with White Paws
  14. 3. Neighbours Cats
  15. 4. Boot-faced Cats
  16. 5. Sort of Tabby Cats with a Bit of Ginger, But Sometimes In the Right Light You Could Swear Theres a Hint of Siamese There
  17. 6. Factory Cats
  18. 7. Arch-villains Cats
  19. 8. Cartoon Cats
  20. 9. The Sub-Post Office Cat
  21. 10. Travelling Cats
  22. 11. The Green, Bio-Organic, Whole Earthbox Cat
  23. Naming cats
  24. Illnesses
  25. Impatient legs
  26. Flypaper
  27. Sitting and hiccupping gently (with the occasional burp)
  28. Eating grass
  29. Lorries
  30. Feeding cats
  31. Training and disciplining the Real cat
  32. The Great Ballistic Clod of Earth
  33. Deep Pits with Spikes at the Bottom
  34. Pushing them into the Pond
  35. Psychological Warfare
  36. Calling in the Mafia
  37. Games cats play
  38. Cat chess
  39. Wet cement
  40. The Builders Nice New Pile of Clean Sand
  41. Offside
  42. Being Good
  43. Schrodinger [ “And I say you must have left a window open ”] Cats
  44. The Cat in History
  45. Sex
  46. Hygiene
  47. The Real cat on wheels
  48. The Real cat and other animals
  49. The Real cat and the gardener
  50. 1. The Things that Rattle, Bang, Whizz and Whirr
  51. 2. The Wire Maze
  52. 3. Chemical warfare, including the Mysterious Blobs, the Terrible Dust and the Curious Gungy Stuff
  53. 4. The Big Roll of Wire Netting
  54. 5. The Catapult
  55. The Real cat and children
  56. The cats we missed
  57. The future of the Real cat


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