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My first, my incomparable love! Mary! What can existence mean to me now? You were dearer and more precious to me than the very breath of my nostrils. My life was ecstasy. I had found the perfect friendship of John, and you! I was happy beyond all mortals! I dreamed of a love untouched by jealousy, cruelty, selfishness. I dreamed of a Paradise infinitely more beautiful than Eden. And now both of you are bewitched by this pseudo-prophet!  &Jesus dragged his feet slowly. The cross, toppling to one side, beat lightly against his side. Suddenly he fell. I bent to lift him. He looked at me, but beckoned to one of the soldiers, saying in faulty Latin: Help me, Roman! I was white with anger. Jesus staggered to his feet. Tauntingly I muttered: Where are your followers? Where is your father in Heaven, you fool? All have forsaken you. Go on! Go faster! Go to your self-chosen doom! Jesus turned around and looked at me. All meekness had vanished from his face, now ablaze with anger. I will go, but thou shalt tarry until I return. As Isaac, or Cartaphilus, as he preferred to be known, watched family and friends grow old and die while he retained his youth, he came to understand the meaning and full import of Jesus  pronouncement. Wandering through different lands and down the centuries, he met and influenced the people, and witnessed the events that would shape the modern world. And his wandering soon became the pursuit of the elusive and incomparable Salome, and the secret of Unendurable Pleasure Indefinitely Prolonged & My First Two Thousand Years  is not for the faint of heart. The authors take no prisoners; repeatedly demonstrate that they hold absolutely nothing sacred; and constantly drive home the point that all of our historical figures and grand institutions are first, foremost, and above all else human.Note: The cover shown is from the 1956 abridged paperback edition, but the text is full and unabridged (from a clothbound edition).

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1. My First Two Thousand Years The Autobiography of the Wandering Jew George Sylvester Viereck Paul Eldridge
2. PROLOGUE: MOUNT ATHOS
3. I: THE SEVEN PLOVERS
4. II: MR. ISAAC LAQUEDEM
5. III: PROFESSOR BASSERMANN SUSPECTS
6. IV: PROBERS OF THE SOUL
7. THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MR. ISAAC LAQUEDEM
8. I: I WITNESS THE TRIAL OF JESUS —MADAME PILATE’S RECEPTIONS—I QUARREL WITH JOHN
9. II: MY MISTRESS MARY MAGDALENE —THE EYES OF JESUS—JESUS PUTS A SPELL ON ME—I AM THE SOLE WITNESS OF THE CRUCIFIXION—THE EXECUTIONER’S DITTY
10. III: I PHILANDER WITH PILATE ’S WIFE—PILATE’S CAST OFF MISTRESS—LYDIA PUTS ME TO BED
11. IV: BAD DREAMS —I RECOVER—JERUSALEM IS NORMAL—THE MADNESS OF JOHN—MARY AND THE RAGAMUFFINS
12. V: PRINCESS SALOME YAWNS —THE PARABLE OF THE QUEEN BEE—I ANOINT MYSELF WITH PERFUME—THE PRINCESS COMMANDS—THE MASKED PARAMOUR
13. VI: MY FIRST MARRIAGE —PROCLA ASKS A QUESTION—THE DESPERATION OF LYDIA—THE CURIOUS HETAERA—I CONSULT A LEECH
14. VII: I AM ACCUSED OF DEALING WITH THE DEVIL —I LIQUIDATE MY ESTATE—I LAUGH—FAULTY ARITHMETIC—I SEEK—WHAT?
15. VIII: I ARRIVE IN ROME —I TEMPT THE GODS AND—SNEEZE—I TRANSLATE NERO’S POEMS—MY FIRST AMOUR WITH AN EMPRESS—I AM EMBARRASSED—”HOW STRONG YOU ARE CARTAPHILUS”
16. IX: SPORUS MISUNDERSTANDS —NERO FIDDLES—I BLAME THE NAZARENES
17. X: THE GREAT GOD ENNUI —THE WIND’S WILL
18. XI: I ENTER DELHI ON AN ELEPHANT —A FAITHFUL SERVANT—THE LEVITATION—MY FRIEND THE FAKIR—I BECOME A MAGICIAN
19. XII: APOLLONIUS OF TYANA RAISES THE DEAD —DAMIS THE FAVORITE DISCIPLE
20. XIII: DAMIS, APOLLONIUS AND JESUS —THE DOUBLE BLOSSOM OF PASSION—“CARTAPHILUS DO YOU WANT TO DIE?”—“SEEK—AND PERHAPS—YOU SHALL FIND.”
21. XIV: DAMIS FALLS ASLEEP —ETERNAL COMRADES—THE MARRIAGE OF THE BLOOD—“YOUR BLOOD IS POISON!”
22. XV: GOD OR DEMON —I AM STILL A MAN—THE RAJAH’S SISTER ASI-MA—NUPTIALS AT SEA
23. XVI: I BUY A VILLA —I WATCH THE STARS—“TIME IS A CAT, CARTAPHILUS”—ASI-MA WEEPS
24. XVII: CAR-TA-PHAL, PRINCE OF INDIA —MARCUS AURELIUS—FAUSTINA TOYS—JESUS IN THE PANTHEON—THE FEMALE WORSHIPER
25. XVIII: THE EMPEROR-EMPRESS —HELIOGABALUS DANCES—THE GIANT
26. XIX: I BECOME A GOD —PRAYERFUL BUTTOCKS—THE HOLY CAMEL—CAR-TA-PHA YAWNS
27. XX: CA-TA-PHA UP AND CA-TA-PHA DOWN —I MAKE A SAINT—MAN OR MONKEY—KOTIKOKURA
28. XXI: KOTIKOKURA SHAVES —I MAKE HISTORY—THE CROSS AND THE SWORD—THE CHRISTIAN EMPEROR—THE CRESCENT MOON HANGS UPON THE BOSPHORUS
29. XXII: MY VINEYARD ON THE RHINE —ULRICA—ROME IS A WITCH JEALOUS OF YOUTH—THE TREE MUST ENDURE FOREVER—KOTIKOKURA GRINS—LIFE IS CIRCULAR
30. XXXII: KOTIKOKURA SCRATCHES HIMSELF —A FUNERAL PROCESSION
31. XXIV: THE WALLS OF CHINA —I DO A MIRACLE—A CHINESE APOLLONIUS—FLOWER-OF-JOY
32. XXV: TAXES AND PLAGUES —STONY FINGERS—I GO—A PRISONER OF ATTILA—KOTIKOKURA PULLS HIS MUSTACHES
33. XXVI: I SMOKE A PIPE WITH ATTILA —TWO MEN WITHOUT A COUNTRY
34. XXVII: UNENDURABLE PLEASURE INDEFINITELY PROLONGED —THE LORD PROCURER TO THE SON OF HEAVEN—FLOWER-OF-THE-EVENING—THE PALACE OF PLEASURE AND PAIN—I SEEK PERFECTION—SA-LO-ME
35. XXVIII: IN QUEST OF THE PRINCESS —MOON, TORTOISE, OR WITCH?
36. XXIX: ISPAHAN PLAYS CHESS —THE PRINCESS SALOME HAS NO LORD—SALOME CLAPS HER HAND—ORGY—THE ULTIMATE PORTAL—KOTIKOKURA’S ADVENTURE—THE GOD LI-BI-DO
37. XXX: SALOME WRITES A LETTER —MAGIC RUINS—THE TOKEN—I LAUGH
38. XXXI: THE ELOQUENT HAMMER —KOTIKOKURA DISCOVERS TEARS—MOHAMMED OR JESUS?—I REACH THE OUT-SKIRTS OF MECCA
39. XXXII: I FACE MY DESTINY —MY FRIEND ABU-BEKR—THE ANGEL GABRIEL DICTATES A BOOK—MOHAMMED STROKES HIS BEARD—“DARUL HARB”
40. XXXIII: KOTIKOKURA LOSES A FRIEND —MECCA GLOWS LIKE A RUBY—THE PROPHET CONQUERS—“I MUST GO, CARTAPHILUS”
41. XXXIV: CATASTROPHE —I WORK A MIRACLE—I RAISE A COFFIN—ABU-BEKR PAYS HIS DEBT
42. XXXV: I SEEK MY SOUL —BAGDAD CHATTERS—I HIRE FIVE HUNDRED CRAFTSMEN—ALI HASAN AND MAMDUH BARAZI—THE MULTIPLICATION TABLE OF LOVE
43. XXXVI: THE ORCHESTRATION OF DELIGHT —KOTIKOKURA’S HAREM—THE KING OF LOVE—THE BATH OF BEAUTY—UNSOLVED PROBLEMS
44. XXVII: THE MASTER OF THE HAREM —TIME DISAPPEARS—I DISCOVER RELATIVITY—FUNERALS—KOTIKOKURA ACCELERATES FATE—THE MOSQUE OF A THOUSAND GRAVES
45. XXXVIII: I MEET A JEW —EVIL OMENS—THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ABRAHAM—SHIPWRECKED
46. XXXIX: SOFT HANDS —“WHERE IS KOTIKOKURA?”—ULRICA ONCE MORE—A HUSBAND WADES TO SHORE—“FAREWELL”
47. XL: CHARLEMAGNE HAS A PAIN IN HIS LEG —INCESTUOUS LOVE—I PREPARE TROUBLE
48. XLI: WHITHER? —THE NEW JEW—THE LAND WHERE MEN WEAR SKIRTS—A CLUE
49. XLII: THE SACRED PARROT —MASCULINE REVOLT—SALOME’S SACRILEGE—THE HIGH PRIEST OF CA-TA-PHA—THE SEX OF GOD
50. XLIII: THREE IMMORTALS RIDE THROUGH THE DESERT —SLAVES OF THE MOON—CONFESSIONS—KOTIKOKURA PLAYS ON A REED
51. XLIV: LOVE MAGIC —PARALLEL LINES—SMOKE—SALOME SMILES
52. XLV: COUNT DE CARTAPHILE AND BARON DE KOTIKOKURA, KNIGHTS —THE ARMY OF JESUS—ETERNAL SCAPEGOAT
53. XLVI: I REVISIT JERUSALEM —THE PLACE OF SKULLS—IS TIME AN ILLUSION?—THE TEMPEST—THE RED KNIGHT—“DON’T YOU KNOW ME, CARTAPHILUS?”—TREASURE TROVE
54. XLVII: THE ISLE OF BLISS —I MEET AN ARMENIAN BISHOP—KOTIKOKURA GROWLS—MY HEART IS IN MY MOUTH—THE ILL-TEMPERED SON OF AN IRASCIBLE FATHER
55. XLVIII: THE EMPIRE OF PRESTER JOHN —“IF I WILL THAT HE TARRY TILL I COME WHAT IS THAT TO THEE?”—KOTIKOKURA DANCES—CAN MAN INVENT A LIE?
56. XLIX: THE CITY OF GOD —I RECOGNIZE PRESTER JOHN—PRESTER JOHN DISCUSSES THE BEAST—TIME HAS A HEAVY FIST
57. L: “KOTIKOKURA, WHAT ARE WE?”—DO THE STARS HAVE A PURPOSE?—GROWTH
58. LI: THE GUADALQUIVIR CHURNS LIKE BUTTER —DORA CRISTINA’S POLITE INVITATION—A TEMPLE OF LOVE—UNPLUCKED ROOTS—I MEET DON JUAN—DON FERNANDO—THE FURY OF DON JUAN—KOTIKOKURA BLUSHES
59. LII: OUT OF THE WINDOW OF THE PAST —KOTIKOKURA, THE LION—THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF DON JUAN—I VISIT DON JUAN’S HOUSE—I DISCUSS LOVE WITH DON JUAN—DON JUAN’S SECRET—I KILL DON JUAN
60. LIII: I RETURN TO THE FOLD —AN ENCOUNTER IN THE GHETTO—THE RABBI’S DAUGHTER
61. LIV: THE BOOK OF ESTHER —THE VENGEANCE OF DON JUAN—KOTIKOKURA THE GOLEM—THE PLAGUE—THE SUICIDE OF JOSEPH—I ABJURE ISRAEL
62. LV: THE QUEEN PAWNS HER JEWELS —I DO BUSINESS WITH ABRAHAM—I FINANCE COLUMBUS
63. LVI: GILLES DE RETZ IN PARIS —TREVISAN DOES A MIRACLE—I DISCUSS THE ELIXIR OF LIFE WITH GILLES DE RETZ—“YOU ARE MY BROTHER”—BLUEBEARD’S WIFE—MY PUPIL ANNE
64. LVII: THE LABORATORY OF GILLES DE RETZ —GILLES CHALLENGES GOD—BIRTH PANGS OF HOMUNCULUS—THE FEARS OF CATHERINE—THE SECRET LOVE OF GILLES DE RETZ
65. LVIII: I BREAK THE MAGIC CIRCLE —THE WHITE WITCH JOAN OF ARC—I CRASH A MIRROR—I WITNESS A MIRACLE—THE FLIGHT OF THE FALSE MAGICIANS
66. LIX: SULLEN PEASANTS —A DROP OF BLOOD GLISTENING IN THE BLUE—THE NEEDS OF HOMUNCULUS—THE DREAM OF GILLES DE RETZ—KOTIKOKURA MAKES A DISCOVERY
67. LX: THE LOVE OF ANNE —ANNE PROPOSES—I BETRAY A FRIEND—POWDERS AND MASKS
68. LXI: WHITE MASS —BLACK MASS—BLACK PRAYER—RITES OF SATAN—BEAST OR GOD—THE SACRIFICE—THE BAPTISM OF HOMUNCULUS—JUDAS—I SEND A PRESENT TO ANNE
69. LXII: THE CITY OF FLOWERS —LA FESTA DEL GRILLO—THE SANITARY EXPERT—THE INTOXICATION OF KOTIKOKURA—THE ADVENTURE OF TWO YOUTHS
70. LXIII: ANTONIO AND ANTONIA —BOY OR GIRL—I BLUSH—I TELL A STORY—BEAUTY IS A FLAME—TWO RINGS FOR ONE
71. LXIV: MAN A RHEUMATIC TORTOISE —I TAKE STOCK OF MYSELF—I BRING THE HOLY GRAIL TO ALEXANDER VI—I DISCUSS THEOLOGY WITH THE POPE—THE HOLY FATHER AND HIS UNHOLY FAMILY—I AM TALKATIVE—ALEXANDER ASKS A QUE
72. LXV: THE HOLY INQUISITION —UNTAPPED RESERVOIRS—A NUN VISITS ME—“DANCE!”—THE ABBESS OF THE CONVENT OF THE SACRED HEART—SALOME BATTLES AGAINST THE MOON
73. LXVI: DARLINGS OF THE GODS —STIRRING THE ASHES—BIRDS ON THE WING
74. LXVII: THE JOY OF LIVING —THE FRIAR OF WITTENBERG TALKS ABOUT LOVE—CHRIST AND ANTI-CHRIST—KOTIKOKURA’S ADVENTURE—A FINE NOSE FOR SULPHUR—I RAISE A STORM
75. LXVIII: KOTIKOKURA SUCKS A LEMON —WE CROSS THE CHANNEL—KOTIKOKURA LEARNS TO WRITE
76. LXIX: I MEET “THE WANDERING JEW”—I AM MALIGNED—A CROSS-EXAMINATION—BOOTS
77. LXX: QUEEN ELIZABETH PASSES —DUST TO DUST—I DISCOVER MYSELF IN A BOOK
78. LXXI: FRANCIS BACON, LORD VERULAM —I GO TO THE THEATER—I MEET “MR. W. H.”—THE JEALOUSY OF KOTIKOKURA—ANTONIO-ANTONIA—I LIFT A CURTAIN—THE MASTER THIEF
79. LXXII: ENGLAND SMOKES —MERMAIDS TAVERN—WILLIE HEWES GIGGLES
80. LXXIII: A LETTER FROM SALOME —I RETURN TO AFRICA—I AM DETHRONED—FLAMES
81. LXXIV: THE BROKEN VESSEL —EUROPE IS SICK—THE NEW PROPHET
82. LXXV: I DISCUSS GOD WITH SPINOZA —NEW VISION—APOLLONIUS WALKS WITH US—I MAKE MY PEACE WITH JESUS
83. LXXVI: AT THE DOCK OF SAARDAM —THE HUMOR OF THE TSAR—KOTIKOKURA FORGETS—I BUILD A CITY—THE EMPIRE OF GOLD
84. LXXVII: THE THRONE OF THE GOLDEN CALF —I MAKE A DEAL WITH MAYER-ANSELM ROTHSCHILD
85. LXXVIII: FREDERICK PLAYS CHESS —THE TABACKS COLLEGIUM—THE KING’S MONKEY—I QUARREL WITH VOLTAIRE—VOLTAIRE’S FAUX PAS
86. LXXIX: ROTHSCHILD MOVES TO PARIS —A FASHIONABLE SALON—THE GOD ENNUI—KOTIKOKURA’S NEW LANGUAGE—ROUSSEAU MAKES A FOOL OF HIMSELF—I RECEIVE A MYSTERIOUS INVITATION—THE GOLDEN BOY—HERMA—A GLIMPSE OF LILIT
87. LXXX: ASSORTED LOVERS —THE TRANSVESTITE—NARCISSUS-NARCISSA—LOVE IS A SHOE—THE ESOTERIC BARONESS—THE LOVER OF DREAMS—L’HOMME SERPENT—SHIFTING SEXES—QUEEN LILITH AND KING LUCIFER—GODS FOR A NIGHT—A MISS
88. LXXXI: TWO PARALLEL LINES MEET —THE GARDEN OF SALOME—HOMUNCULA—A CENTURY IN RETROSPECT—ADVENTURES IN THE NEW WORLD—THE WOMB OF CREATION—A SIMIAN ABELARD—I PLAY CHESS—THE BLACK KING AND THE RED KING—TH
89. EPILOGUE: MOUNT ATHOS
90. THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ISAAC LAQUEDEM

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